The OdyssWii

Sing in me, Dews, and through me tell the story of the Reinman, skilled in all ways of monkey-balling, the wanderer, harried for days on end, after deciding he wanted to purchase a Nintendo Wii.

Sunday, November 19

4:05 p.m. - After reading a Star Tribune article about the Nintendo Wii, the Jilb says that the Wii looks kind of fun, and maybe we could pick one up sometime. I don't need a whole lot of convincing to buy a new videogame system. The OdyssWii begins.

Wednesday, November 22

5:45 p.m. - Three days have passed - three days of wandering past the barren shelves of various department stores and not a single whiff of the Wii. Some employees were helpful, hinting as to when they expected their next shipment. Others were not so much. (When I asked the Pamida employee about the Wii, she responded in similar fashion to Mr. Burns when he was confronted with re*cy*cling?)

I now find myself cashiering at the grocery store on the night before Thanksgiving. While working on the busiest night of the year is stressful and exhausting, it holds one advantage - it keeps me from dwelling on my recent failures.

I see my friend, the Professor, in the next lane. I tell him about my hopeless quest. He tells me that Wal-Mart is supposed to get a new shipment for their five a.m. sale the day after Thanksgiving. Hope lives again.

Friday, November 24

1:25 a.m. - What really matters, anyway? My family came to visit, and we chatted, ate great food, and watched movies. It was fun, but what really matters? We also played games. I won the first game, but what if I was a jerk? What if, instead of winning, I could've helped someone else have a better time? Who cares who wins board games anyway? My family was here - they matter. The Jilb is here next to me - she matters. Who cares about all that other crap? Who cares about the stupid Wii?

4:19 a.m. - That's the alarm! Time to get the Wii!

4:29 a.m. - I fill my thermos with coffee - the same coffee that I forgot to make for my parents the night before. Now I remember what matters. Coffee matters.

4:35 a.m. - I do not observe the posted limits as I speed the Skylark toward Wal-Mart. I marvel at how empty the roads are at four-thirty in the morning.

4:37 a.m. - I take a left on 15th Street and see a couple of cars in front of me. I question the drivers' motives. They couldn't possibly be going to Wal-Mart. They probably work at the hospital or something. And even if they are going to Wal-Mart, they're probably old ladies looking for a sale on lima beans. There's no way they're going for the Wii.

Another car pulls in front of me at a stoplight. Oh no you don't, you Wii stealing jerk!

4:41 a.m. - I am now a dozen or so back in a line of cars headed toward Wal-Mart. The parking lot comes into view. It is jam-packed. Please be old ladies. Please be old ladies.

4:43 a.m. - I'm in the store, and it's not old ladies. It's everyone from moms and dads to kids to, most distressingly, college-aged guys.

The Wal-Mart greeters have a coffee and donut table set up, and they're handing out some sort of paper to everyone, but I can't be bothered with that kind of crap. I clutch my thermos and rocket toward the electronics department. Shopping carts are everywhere - recklessly flying back and forth, in and out of aisles. I deftly dodge them like Han Solo in the asteroid field. I would hum the music, but there's no time for that sort of nonsense.

4:44 a.m. - I weave through the electronics department toward the Nintendo section. I check the display case. It is packed full with Gamecubes and Gameboys, but no Wii. I stop to think. A group of guys wearing blaze orange stop in front of the same case. I overhear their conversation.

I told you they wouldn't be here. . .It doesn't hurt to check. . .What does your sheet say?. . .Oh, ok. Let's see. Uh, Ok, I know. This way.

I suddenly realize my tactical error. Of course the Wii wouldn't be in the display case - not if they were getting a large shipment. The key to finding the Wii is on those pieces of paper the greeters were passing out - treasure maps where "X" marks the Wii.

I don't have time to go back and get a map. But I do have a few blaze orange guides.

4:45 a.m. - I follow them a couple aisles down to a pallet covered in a large black tarp. The only marking on the tarp is a white sheet of paper with a hand-written "24."

I overhear the blaze orange crew again. Yeah, Nintendo's the way to go if you want to play any real games. No way I'm getting PlayStation.

This is it. I am in the right place at the right time. In fifteen minutes I will have a chance at the Wii. But what if they don't have enough? I am one of about seven or eight people at this pallet. And what does the "24" mean? Could there actually be twenty-four Wii's here?

4:52 a.m. - There are two Wal-Mart employees at the pallet. One is a lady with a watch and a clipboard. The other is a young man with a box-cutter. A shopper approaches the clipboard lady.

Are these the PSP's?

No. Gameboy Micros. PSP's are that way.

Gameboy Micros? I'm confused. I ask one of the blaze orange guys for his map. It's a list with different items corresponding to different numbers. PSP - 13; Magnovox TV - 17; Gameboy Micro - 24.

Twenty-four. I'm at the wrong place. I scan the list for the Wii. It's not on there.

4:59 a.m. - The pallets are about to be opened. I know the Wii is not here, but I have to see with my own eyes. Besides, I don't know where else it would be. An announcement is made, and the box-cutter guy rips into the tarp - revealing a pallet full of Gameboy Micros. The blaze orange guys lustily grab three or four a piece. I walk up to the clipboard lady.

Do you have the Nintendo Wii in stock?

Not anymore. They flew out of here.

Do you know when you'll get more?

No idea. You'll have to keep calling back.

5:08 a.m. - Plan B. I sit in my parked car in the empty Target parking lot. The store opens at six. At Target there will be no pallets, no lists, no confusion. It's simple - first one in the door gets first crack at the Wii. I sip my coffee and wait.

5:13 a.m. - Another car parks a couple spaces down. I consider getting out to wait by the door. What if that guy's here for the Wii too? What if Target only has one, and he gets out and waits at the door before me? Wait. Are you listening to yourself? Don't be insane. If you play it cool, we can both wait in our warm cars for the store to open.

5:14 a.m. - I'm waiting outside at the door. Moments later, the guy gets out and waits behind me. We nod to each other. He looks like Christopher Walken. I gotta fever. . .and the only prescription is Big Savings!

5:16 a.m. - Two look-a-likes in row! The spitting image of Kurt Russell's Wyatt Earp gets out of a truck and looks at a sign on the door. He mutters. Six O'clock. I got time to get some coffee. He gets in his truck and leaves. I continue to wait with Christopher Walken.

5:19 a.m. - Five more people join the line. I think I recognize one of the young ladies - she probably goes to BSU. She speaks up to break the silence. So, what's everyone here for?

An old lady with a cane answers. Oh, just deals in general. I hate Wal-Mart.

The BSU girl responds. I just picked up a memory stick from there. I'm getting a camera.

Christopher Walken speaks up. I'm here for one thing.

No one asks what that one thing is. But I know. . .I know.

5:25 a.m. - Now I'm glad I decided to get out of my car when I did, because I'm first in a line of about two dozen people, and it continues to grow. I see Wyatt Earp come back with his cup of coffee. He looks like he want to join me and Christopher in the front, but he grudgingly heads to the back of the line. Thank God for my thermos.

5:36 - a.m. - The line is now so long that it's curving along the side of the store to avoid blocking traffic. Two teenage girls walk up and join the mass of people by the doors. Wyatt Earp spots them. Hey, the end of the line is that way!

Christopher Walken also notices. He speaks to me for the first time. I'd be mad, too. Not that it matters where you are. I hear it's a free-for-all once you get inside. I don't think that's right. What if there's handicap people at the front of the line? They should number you off in the order you got here.

It's easy for him to say as number two in line, but as number one myself, it's hard to disagree. I answer. No kidding. Hey, earlier you said you were here for one thing. I was wondering what it was.

Oh, it's a Lego castle for my kid. It's normally a hundred dollars, but the ad says fifty today. Wal-Mart's out of them. What are you here for?

The Nintendo Wii.

Oh yeah, my son wants that. I've looked everywhere. No one's got it. Do they have it here now?

I don't know for sure, actually.

Now I feel pretty stupid. The other front-of-the-line dwellers are here because they want to beat everyone else to a certain item in the store. I'm first in line, and I don't even know if the store has what I'm looking for.

5:42 a.m. - BSU girl gets my attention. You look familiar. Do I know you? Are you friends with David Johns?

Yeah, I know DJ. I'm over at that house quite bit. Me and Drew are pretty good friends.

Yeah, I've probably seen you there before.

If you have, there's a good chance I was holding a camera.

She pushes me, Elaine Benes style. That's right. You're that guy.

Heh, yeah. Did I hear you were getting a camera?

Yes! You don't know how excited I am. What are you getting?

I'm still feeling self-conscious about waiting for something I'm not even sure is there. So I answer. Well, first I'll check to see if they've got that new Nintendo. Just for fun. Then I'm just gonna get some piddley crap.

She laughs. Who waits first in line for piddley crap? You are so funny!

I'm not sure if "funny" is the correct term.

5:46 a.m. - A few feet back I overhear a lady. Yes, I saw the deal on that castle too. You can't beat half-off.

I turn to Christopher Walken. It looks like you have some competition.

He answers in all seriousness. I hope my legs don't fail me.

For the first time, I'm actually thinking about the prospect of hundreds of people sprinting through the doors in a mad dash. I had assumed that everyone would be pretty orderly - a brisk power-walk through the store at most. But seeing the steel glint in Christopher's eyes makes me wonder how chaotic this might get.

5:56 a.m. - The old lady with the cane speaks up. It's almost time. Look that guy's ready. He's got his hand on the door handle. She's pointing at me. I look and realize that my hand is, in fact, on the handle. I hadn't even noticed. I tell myself that I had done it subconsciously for support. But now it's got me wondering.

5:58 a.m. - The Target employees are beginning to unlock the inner doors. I suddenly panic and realize that I'm between the automatic doors and the manual doors. If they unlock the automatic doors, I'll be able to squeeze through. But if they unlock the manual doors, I could get stuck behind the door and the endless flow of people.

The crowd is inching closer to the automatic door. I see BSU girl stick her foot in between two people for leverage. I look to see if it was a joke. She smiles a little, but she doesn't pull her foot out. I position my foot too.

5:59 a.m. - The Target employees, much to my relief, begin unlocking both the automatic and manual doors. Because I'm toward the side, I won't be first into the store, but I'll be among the first three or four. I ready my left arm for the inevitable box-out.

6:00 a.m. - The doors open. BSU girl walks quickly in, then begins sprinting down the floor toward the cameras. I slide my way inside and calmly walk. No big deal. She wants a camera, not a Wii.

I see more people jogging past me. Christopher Walken and I maintain a steady, brisk walk. Another lady runs by - the lady that wanted the Lego castle. Christopher breaks his composure and runs after her, passing her on the right.

I continue my power-walk. There are now almost a dozen people ahead of me. A couple college-aged guys jog past me on the left. They're heading toward electronics - toward the Wii. I will not let this happen. I've waited too long.

I begin to jog. Then I begin to run. I blow by old ladies and moms. Christopher Walken and his old-man legs fade behind on the left. The college-aged guys are still in front, but they're nerdy, un-athletic gamers. I kick into another gear and breeze by them as well.

Only one person beats me to the electronics department - the BSU girl - and she's busy with her camera. No threat to my Wii. I look around. There are no pallets to be found, no cryptic lists, only shelves and displays full of items - each exactly where they should be. And I know where the Wii should be.

I round a corner and look into the Nintendo display case. And. . .

And. . .

. . .And if I had a Wii, I probably wouldn't be writing this now, would I?