I Also Considered "Argue or Die"
I've been telling my writing class, "Have a thesis or fail." So they ask me what a thesis is, and I tell them it's essentially an argument. Then I tell them to stop asking questions because they cut into my precious talking time.The problem with this blog is I never have a thesis.
So I've decided to fix that by arguing more. But I'm not going to make arguments. No, I'm going to have arguments...you know, with people. Bitter, hair-pulling, multiple feelings hurt sort of arguments. It's much more interesting that way. And, of course, these aren't going to be boring, nit-picky, everyday, "who left the toilet seat up" sort of arguments. We're going to argue about the issues that really matter.
First up - mechanical pencils.
Me: Mechanical Pencil, you don't work very well. Plus I hate you.
Mechanical Pencil: I work just fine. Plus I'm technological, which makes me awesome.
Me: No, no, your stupid lead stick is weaker than a million little babies, and it always breaks off at the worst time - like when I'm drawing a picture of myself - and then I push your eraser button a thousand times, and nothing comes out, then I hold the button down, and the whole stupid lead stick falls out, and then I grab it to put it back in, but it breaks into a bunch of stupid little pieces, and then I put the pieces back in - one by one - but now the lead stick is sticking out just a little too far - far enough, I find out, to break again at the even the slightest bit of contact. I hate you. I hate you so much.
MP: If I'm so crappy, how come astronauts use me? Are you better than an astronaut?
Me: No. Nobody's better than an astronaut. Do astronauts really use you?
MP: Ha, no. Fooled you!
Me: Jerk.
MP: But I have been to space.
Me: Really?
MP: No. Ha. Fooled you again.
Me: Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?
MP: Because everybody treats me mean, and nobody likes me.
Me: Also you're really crappy at your one purpose in life.
MP: Yes, that too.
* * *
In conclusion: Me - 1, Mechanical Pencils and astronauts - 0
posted by Reinman @ 7:10 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
LOL
You are the funniest person of all time.
I saw a Nixon picture. I appove. And the argument is good too.
SOMEBODY had to say that about Mechanical Pencils. I don't understand why anyone uses them. They are ALLTOGETHER E-VIL
I think your next conversation - uh - argument - should be with my chickens. They don't lay eggs. They just sit in the coop every day, eating and eating, and they don't lay any eggs. Thesis: Chickens are highly entertaining poultry, but persnickity egg layers. Also they stink.
But we like them anyway. Why is this?
Anyway, I thought of you guys because my daughter is playing the Star Wars theme on the piano. I'm sure Luke Skywalker didn't use mechanical pencils. Or have chickens.
On behalf of engineers everywhere, I must argue in defense of competent mechanical pencils. Here is a recent conversation between myself and two pencils.
Regular Pencil: I am such a dullard. My only purpose in life is to push snappy catchphrases like "Salve la tierra!".
John: True that. Why can't you be more like MP. He's always sharp and to the point.
MP: I refuse to perform unless you pay at least 89 cents for me. Anything less would be an insult.
J: I respect that, and would gladly pay upwards of $1.19 for the years of faithful service you provide.
RP: But then you would not have the joy of sharpening me when I break every 30 seconds or get dull again.
J: Hmm, interesting point. I think I will break you right now. (snap!)
MP, I like you, because you like the things I like.
MP: Let's solve some robot dynamics problems.
J: I thought you'd never ask.
Salve la Tierra!
Brilliant!
I must say that a mechanical pencil is much better then a regular one. For instance, you can stab things repeatedly with a mecanical pencil without it breaking. If you try the same with a regular pencil the thing just breaks off and is useless.
Stabbings? I'm stabbing myself right now with my BicMatic Grip mechanical pencil and all it does is recede back into itself - dumb lead! Always snapping off at the most inopportune moments or growing to enormous lengths without stopping, so that I am forced to break it off first before applying it to paper. I would use an old trusty #2, but the pencil sharpener is in another part of the office (approx. 20 steps away)
BeckyMom
we personally prefere carpenter pencils because we get to use a knife to sharpen them. Can life get any better?
we personally prefere carpenter pencils because we get to use a knife to sharpen them.
So does Aaron's Grandfather.
But he calls them "Kindeegarten Pencils"...
No, you have it all wrong. You don't stab with the lead of the MP, you stab with the sharp metal part that holds the lead at the end. This metal end has been proven to inflict injuries that result in lifelong scars. As evidenced by a four inch scar on my right thumb.
Post a Comment
<< Home