What's the Dealio

Every now and again I'll catch a few minutes of NBC's gameshow "Deal or No Deal." The premise is some guy randomly picks a bunch of numbered briefcases, and if the briefcases have small monetary values inside them, Howie Mandel congratulates the guy with a fist-pound.

The show makes me so mad. First, everyone acts as though there's a skill to picking the briefcases. And it's worse when they ask their family members for advice.

Guy: "What number should I pick, mom?"

Mom: "Oh....Oh....."

Guy: "It's Ok, mom, you can do it! I believe in you!"

Mom: "Oh...18! Go with 18!"

Guy (clapping his hands): Yeah! Yeah!

Howie: "Oh no! 500,000 dollars. That's not good."

Guy: "Crap. Well, I still need another number."

Mom: "Why don't you try..."

Guy: "No no. Your numbers are worthless. What do you think, Dad?."

Dad: "How bout 19?"

Guy (clapping his hands): "Yeah...yeah...19! Great pick!"

* * *
It's random you moron. Stop acting smug when you do well and go apologize to your mom -- she feels like a failure.

I also hate when the guy eliminates large values, like $75,000, and then he acts all excited because it wasn't $1,000,000. Don't act excited. You chose a bad case -- randomly, of course.

The only time the guy will act really disappointed is if he eliminates the million dollar case -- as if he had a real chance of winning the million dollars in the first place. The whole point of the show is to get a good deal from "the banker," and the only way to do that is to not randomly select high values -- like $75,000.

So why do you act excited, guy, when you decrease your odds of winning lots of money? Either you're morally opposed to having money -- in which case you're wasting everyone's time by being on the show -- or you're a moron. (You know which one gets my vote.)

As I was watching the show, the Jilb caught me getting angry.

"Why are you getting angry?" she asked.

"Stupid people annoy me."

"There's a lot of stupid people in the world."

"And they all annoy me."

* * *
Do I think you're stupid? Yes. Don't worry, I am too.

I don't know anything about cars. Or chemistry (I let John do all the work during labs while I stole us extra supplies from other lab-stations). We're all stupid in some way.

Am I annoyed by you? Not most of the time. Just promise me you won't appear on any gameshows.