Don't Waste Your Time

I saw the Fire-starters -- a band of talented musicians and dancers -- perform last weekend. "Restoring the arts" is their message. They sing, they play, they paint, they dance, and they encourage others to do the same.

Unless DDR or Fiddler on the Roof is somehow involved, dancing's not really my thing. But the large room, dim-lighting, and hypnotic blend of rock and tribal music all contributed to an ideal setting for experimentation.

I was on the right side of the room, a few rows back, clutching the chair in front of me and drumming my hands on it every so often. And then, slowly, I began to move with the chair. After a few moments, I stopped.

What a great metaphor, I thought. I'm using this chair in the same way that young children learning to ice skate often grasp onto little plastic chairs to keep their balance. Our first attempts are awkward and unsteady, but the chair offers support.

Then I thought, What a great thing to blog about later! Then I reprimanded myself. No. You've been over this before. These moments should be enjoyed now and reflected upon later. Idiot. Then I reconsidered. If I don't reflect and ponder now, what's to say I'll even remember this moment in a day or so?

And so I went, back and forth. By the time I finished my little internal argument, the night was half over.

I have a problem.

I've written on the issue of manipulating events before, but I think my problem goes beyond a mere desire for "blogable" material. After all, what causes that desire? Why do I blog at all?

Because the time I spend blogging is beneficial -- not wasted.

It's the same reason I haven't sat on the toilet in ten years without a book or newspaper to read -- or, at the very least, a handheld videogame to play. Without such "multitasking," time on the toilet it wasted.

It's the same reason I used to hate taking the dog outside. Sure, taking the time to make sure the dog didn't pee on the carpet was beneficial, but the extended prelude -- watching him trot around the yard, sniffing twigs and chasing leaves -- was a waste of my time. A waste until I began thinking about it productively. There's got to be a metaphor in all the leaf chasing. Something about innocence? No, too easy. I'll think of something though...

I have a problem.

And I'm finding that most of the activities I try to make "productive" are already beneficial in some regard. Without using the toilet, I would die. If I didn't take the dog outside, the carpet would smell, and the dog would die.

The problem is, most of the everyday, mundane activities don't serve the all important Larger Purpose a.k.a. the really good book or movie I intend to make someday that will make me really famous and be really cool for me.

Noble, I know.

Writing a lot serves that purpose. Reading on the toilet serves that purpose. Constantly searching for metaphors serves that purpose.

And I need that purpose, or life, once again, becomes boring and mundane.

But what of my different purpose -- a higher, infinitely less self-absorbed purpose?

Can my Larger Purpose supplement my Ultimate Purpose? Or does relentlessly pursuing one purpose necessarily forsake the other?

And, placing the big question aside for the moment, the most maddening thing about all this time-wasting stuff is, as worried as I often am about frittering away my precious time, I can just as easily partake in extended time-wasting binges. I can watch four episodes of House in a row and not think twice about it, but heaven forbid I eat a bowl of cereal without simultaneously reading a newspaper or staring at a computer screen.

I have a problem.

But I've wasted enough time on this post already.