Big-Time Movie Guy

Yesterday I was approached by a local media organization about doing some scriptwriting and video editing for a state-wide summer camp promotional campaign.

After a half-hour meeting on the phone, I took the job. (No, it's not full-time, meaning that I will faithfully continue my duties as Keeper of the bags and Defender of all manner of pickle jars, great and small.)

The good news is, taking the job means I'm one step closer to becoming a Big-Time Movie Guy - a goal which, as you will see, continues to go perfectly according to plan.

The Master Plan:

Steps to becoming a Big-Time Movie Guy

1. Spend the first 15 years of my life watching - in a continuous, VHS recorded loop - Ducktales, Tailspin, Star Wars, and The Tick. (check)

2. Make three short movies in high school about a bottle of salsa. (check)

3. Make three short movies in college not about a bottle of salsa. (check)

4. Take a break from all the silly little shorts to do a serious, documentary-style piece about the growing problem of modern-day vikings terrorizing college campuses. (check)

5. Help the professor make a feature-length movie that happens to be a bit light on typical film conventions, such as plot, but is heavy on the stuff that really matters, such as me crashing into things, the professor liberally administering single deuces, and Soda Popinski. (check)

6. Maintain my daily afternoon routine of playing with paper hats, paper boats, and my teddy bear, Rupert. Have the good fortune of the professor one day filming me unawares. (check)

7. Write a script about a young man with the extraordinary power to do anything. Then make the movie using exactly one special effect (that is, if you consider fishing line a "special effect"). (check)

8. Throw four Tombstone pizzas in a paper bag, cabbage and oranges in plastic with grapes on top, and leave the Deli meal out so you don't spill the gravy. (check)

9. Get paid to write a shooting script for a promo about nine Minnesota summer camps you've never heard of, let alone been to. (half-check)

10. Have Steven Spielberg show up at your door with an enormous sack full of money. "Here, take this and make a big-time movie." "Ok."

Almost there . . .