Mr. Bagging Pants

When I'm not making movies, making songs, and fightin' 'round the world, I work at a grocery store. Specifically, I'm a bagger.

As a bagger, I am not required to do any deep thinking. In fact, only one persistent question has any relevance for me throughout the day, as is demonstrated in this ancient bagging haiku.

Paper or plastic?

Oh crap, paper in plastic.

Stupid old ladies.

If someone buys a lot of groceries, it is also my responsibility to place them in a cart and unload them into the customer's car. The back seat is a popular choice among customers, but at times these people demonstrate an astounding lack of spatial awareness regarding number of bags vs. back seat occupancy, as is demonstrated in this ancient grocery carting haiku.

Two carts, many bags.

Back seat packed with screaming kids.

Quote: "Don't crush my bread."

Recently, though, I have been shown a world beyond meat-in-plastic and double-bagging, beyond bread-crushing and two-door-specks, a world that requires deep thinking and challenging questions -- questions like, "Are sliced green beans and French-style green beans the same thing?" and "Will anyone care if they're side by side on the shelf?" (Answer: old ladies always care.)

But most importantly, here is the most irresistible picture of Puppy to date.