Holidays

Well, the date at the top of this post means that it's obligatory that I make some mention of it.

So here it goes.

Happy Birthday, Steph!

And yes, it's that other holiday too.

Because Steph's birthday falls on Halloween, it got me thinking about the best time to have your birthday.

Everyone knows that Christmas is absolutely the worst, because dumpy relatives will stiff you on the extra presents you deserve.

Thanksgiving isn't much better, because who's gonna give you good gifts with Christmas a month away? The best you can hope for there is a plastic baggy filled with turkey leftovers.

So what about Halloween? Well, you'd probably get a bunch of novelty gifts--like cheap plastic pumpkins that say stupid things like, "Happy Halloween, weirdoes!"--and that would be awesome. But your friends might also try to play some crummy Halloween prank on you--like setting your room on fire.

So Halloween is a draw.

Summer birthdays are crap because in elementary school (the only time birthdays actually mean anything) all the kids that have birthdays during the school year get have cupcakes and stuff during class, while you get squat. Plus no one can come to your birthday party in the summer, cause all your friends are on vacation.

Birthdays around Labor Day suck because they're overshadowed by school starting--who can sincerely wish you a "happy" birthday then?

So basically, after eliminating all other possibilities, the best time to have a birthday is in early spring--long enough after Christmas to allow friends and relatives to recuperate financially, but before summer.

Specifically, March 16 is best because it's my birthday. And now that you know, you're all obligated to either buy me a present or deposit money directly into my bank account.

If you don't know my account number, just look it up on the internet.

Man, you can find anything on this crazy web.

Ha, "web". . . like a spider's web. . . like Halloween.

Stupid Halloween.

Stupid Vikings.