The Truf

I have a confession to make: I know absolutely nothing about bees. I'm sure you're utterly shocked if you've read my previous posts--the information I've written on bees is both highly detailed and painstakingly thorough.

Unfortunately, because this is a website devoted to bees and philosophy--two things I know nothing about--I've decided I'd better start doing some *sigh* research. If only you could see the venom spewing forth from my lips as I utter that word, then I would have a complete sentence. (Side note: that's the second time I've used a form of the word "utter" in this post. Be on the lookout for its sister form "udder" in upcoming posts.)

So, I've decided to find some actual information about bees. The lies must end now.

~~~Allow time for *sigh* research~~~

Ok, I'm back. I started by going to google and typing in "bumblebee," because the bumblebee is the bee I happen to pick on the most--mostly for being so stupid.

Google offered 154,000 websites about the bumblebee. After anxious moments of careful consideration as to which site would yield the most accurate information, I clicked on the first site. Yeah right, "careful consideration." Rule of thumb for internet newbies: "Always click on the first site." (There I go again, pretending to be an authority on something I don't know anything about. It must come naturally to me.)

The site was, appropriately enough, located at www.bumblebee.org. That was very promising to me. Certainly a site called Bumblebee.org would have pages upon pages of accurate, documented information regarding the bumblebee.

Well, it certainly had pages of something, but it sure wasn't "accurate information."

What did it have? Well, consider the very first paragraph from the home page.

It reads:

"Bumblebees are large, hairy insects with a lazy buzz and clumsy, bumbling flight...

(So far so good. I especially liked the 'bumbling flight' part. But then it continued...)

...Many of them are black and yellow, and along with ladybirds and butterflies are perhaps the only insects that almost everyone likes."

"Almost everyone likes"?! What kind of insanity is that? I absolutely despise bumblebees, and I know that I speak for Everyone.

So that site was a complete waste of my time. Completely disillusioned, I decided to quit my research for the day.

Thus, the moral of the story is: "Never research anything."


Oh, by the way, I've decided that the New Thing is to replace the "th" sound at the end of words with an "f" sound. Hence, my title for this post. Also, you can replace the "ck" sound at the end of words with a "g" sound.

Try it. It makes you sound really intellectual.